And on that note, don’t divulge what one person has said or has done to the other one-it’s none of their business and you could end up hurting them more if you start gossiping about, say, the other person’s rebound hookup. It’s fine to listen to them as they vent about how angry or hurt they feel, but resist adding your own input (“yeah, that was really unfair of her.”) “Those kinds of boundaries are necessary so that they can trust you when you spend time with the other person,” says Greer. Set Boundaries UpfrontĪssuming that you have been friends with both of these people since the beginning and you want it to remain that way, you can’t and shouldn’t choose sides. Related: Is It Breaking 'Girl Code' to Stay Tight with Your Best Friend's Ex? 1. Follow these rules from Jane Greer, Ph.D., New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, to get all three of you through this split. However, if all three of you have been buds from the beginning, that’s when it gets tricky. when they started dating a few years back, choosing a side is more acceptable and probably expected.
Of course, if you’ve been friends with one since diapers and then developed a friendship with their S.O. In other words, you can’t indulge in any ex-bashing you might otherwise do (“he was so boring anyway!”), and you can’t devote all your time to just one person because you’re neutral in this territory. You’re on her team, 100 percent.īut when the person she’s breaking up with is also one of your best friends.the rules change a bit.
Whether that means hosting an all-night vent sesh, sweating it out at a fitness class, or blowing off steam on girls’ night out. Ahhh why do my friends have to ask like junior high girls?Īnd I know what you are thinking, I tried to get them to talk to each other to no avail.When a best friend is going through a breakup, you’re there pronto to support her. The problem lies in the fact that Kevin is all about loyalty, he probably thinks i am being disloyal to him if i hang out with Andy, when that isn't remotely true, then i risk having kevin angry with me, and all the baggage that goes with that. Ever since their dispute, I haven't hung out with either one of them in a month. I did tell him that i am still his friend as well as Andy's, he said he understood. Kevin then says "Are you going to Andy's show?" I tell him yes, he looked disappointed or angry, not sure. I try to play middleman, but it is getting increasingly difficult as Andy asks me to hang out. What makes it difficult, is what do i do? They are still both of my friends, but yet I don't want to give off the impression I favor one over the other (When honestly, I agree with Andy). They don't even acknowledge the other's presence as they walk by. Sense then, they have been mortal enemies. Kevin caught word of this and took offense. At this point, I think Andy said enough was enough, and ultimately called Kevin a baby or a brat, something along tbose lines.
Oh, did I mention that Heather is Kevin's boss? That further complicated issues as Kevin tried to avoid her, switching out of shifts so he won't have to see her, even asked for a transfer. Kevin couldn't forgive himself for feeling this way as he felt he betrayed Andy despite that Andy was indifferent about it. Kevin did indeed admit to this to Andy, said he didn't care and no hard feelings. Kevin recently admitted that he had feelings for Heather and thought she deserved better than Andy. A few months later Kevin entered into a relationship that ultimately turned toxic (I think this is a precursor to recent events), so he got rid of her. For awhile, in our group of friends they were the only couple. It started when Andy started dating his gf, Heather, they are a good healthy couple. So, lately it isn't any fun for myself as well as our other friend who is stuck in the middle, we don't want to appear that we are choosing sides over one friend or the other. My two friends (Kevin and Andy) are going through a disagreement, both unyielding in their refusal to speak to each other and it is over.you guessed it.a girl. First of all thanks for any and all advice given.
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